Stupidity to the, I Dunno, REALLY BIG Power
by IsaacHayessoulgirl
Summary: Guess who's back...
1. Chapter 1

**Stupidity to the… I dunno, REALLY BIG Power**

**BY IsaacHayessoulgirl (Jesikuh)**

**Forward **

**(A/N:) Hey, everyone! Here we are in my third fan fic., (I know, I'm pathetic! XD) In this fan fic., we meet once again the beloved Sven Hoek! I'd been planning this for a while, but I got the idea for this forward one night when me and my boyfriend were hanging around when I asked if he knew why Sven was never in any more episodes. We had lots of theories like they didn't want to take the joke too far, or it was a one-time thing, or people were offended by it. But he said, "I think Sven was Ren's ticket to stay out of Hell." And this forward was born!**

Recently on _The Ren and Stimpy Show:_

"You're an _eediot."_

"Thank heaven my cousin Sven ees coming to veeseet. I can hardly wait to have an eentellectual conversation weeth someone."

"Sven, get een here, you old yak yelder!"

"Eee…"

"Ah…"

"Ooh"

"Ee…"

"Waaahhhh…"

"You are my new friend, I share with you!"

"Hey, Ren, yer cousin is the _coolest! _We're lodgebrothers! We both belong to the Loyal Order of Stupids!"

"Ja, und now we show you our secret handshake!"

"I'm going to work! Don't do anything _STYOOPID _while I'm gone!"

"It's the funnest game in the whole wide world! _"Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!"_

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU _EEDIOTS!"_

"Well, let's see how you like _THEES!" _***Unzips fur zipper, whizzes and laughs.***

***House explodes.***

***They stand in Hell before Satan, who points to Sven.* **"So, you whizzed on the electric fence, didn'cha?"

"_**DON'T WHIZ ON THE E-LEC-TRIC FENCE!"**_

They all stood there, shaking. Satan sighed with impatience. "Look, I know you whizzed on the electric fence, which is a huge sin! I don't have time for thi. I'm supposed to torture a Michael Jackson guy in fifteen minutes, so hurry it up!"

"I did not do it!" Sven said, shaking violently. "Yeah, he didn't do it!" Defended Stimpy.

"Yes he deed!" Ren said, nodding. "He deed eet all right! He just pulled down hees… German theengy and let 'er reep!"

"Please, Mr. Devil," Stimpy said, hugging Sven to comfort him. "He's innocent!"

"Well, you have an honest face. But ya know what? How 'bout I look at all yer records? There are worse sins then whizzing on the electric fence, you know. Sound fair?"

"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!" They both said simultaneously. Ren gulped. Satan put on his reading glasses and skimmed through their files. "Well I'll be eternally damned! Mr. Hoke… I believe _you _should be here!"

"That's Ho-ek, you eediot! And what the hell are you talking about? I am a saint! _THEY _are the seeners, not I!"

"Well, let me see, Ren. You make fun of people's common interests, don't listen to your conscience, hit people any chance you get, you're thoughtless, and, according to the author of this fan fic, are the morbid, harsh and violent cartoon character she's ever seen, and now you're yelling at Satan. I really don't see any reason for you _not _to be here, Ren."

"Oh, come on! Can'chou look at their records, too?"

"Okie-dokie. Well, Stimply, it says here you're sweet, optimistic, and just about the greatest being alive, and same for you, Sven."

"Uh, my name's actually Stimpy-"

"Sorry, Ren, but I think you're stuck here for all eternity!"

"Wait, wait wait." He rapped his arm around Satan's shoulder and led him farther away. "Mr.-Mr., um… Satan, ees eet? Maybe you can spare me and my eediot friend here. Trust me, Sven ees good company . Steempy- you said he's a great help to society, correct?"

"Well… yes, but-"

"He needs my asseestances. You see, he needs help. He's not capable of whizzing on his own."

"Ren, whadder you doing?" Yelled Stimpy. "Shut up, you eediot! I'm trying to bargain!"

"But-"

"I said shuttup!"

"I'll take Sven's place! You and him be happy!" Ren bonked him on the head.

"You do drive a hard bargain, Ren. But I don't know."

"I'll throw een five bucks."

"Deal!" Ren picked up his cousin and handed him to Satan. "TAKE THE EEDIOT!"

"Ren, no!" Shrieked Stimpy. "Buh-bye now!" Satan zapped the home. But then the five bucks Ren had given him set on fire. "Aw,"

Ren let out a deep and relieved sigh. "Glad _that's _overweeth! Steempy, go feex my deenner." Stimpy had tears in his eyes. "Ren… how could'jou do that to your own cousin? You should be ashamed!" Anger laced his voice. "Shut up, you. You're lucky I deedn't leave you there too."

"Ya know what, Ren? I'm a little sick of your selfishness!"

"I'll geeve you five seconds to start my deenner." Stimpy's face turned pink and he kicked Ren _hard _in the crotch. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**Four and a half seasons and an Adult Party Cartoon later…**

Sven was running around Hell dressed like a fireman, putting out the fires of Hell with a bucket of water. "STOP! YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE IN HELL!"

"But it's on fire!"

"OF COURSE IT'S ON FIRE, YOU TWIT, IT'S HELL! WHERE ARE YOU EVEN GETTING WATER?" But Sven wouldn't listen. "That's it! Get the hell out of my Hell!" He zapped him back to Earth. "I need to attend therapy."

The phone rang. "Ren and Stimpy's house, Stimpy speaking. Oh my god! HI Sven! We hafta catch up! Come over next week and stay for a month? Sounds wonderful! Ren'll be thrilled! Okay! See ya then! 'Bye!" He hung up the phone. "Hey Ren!"

**(A/N): So was I good? I hope you enjoy the rest! I don't wanna disappoint, but there's no yaoi in this one. I hope you enjoy it anyway! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1: Too Loud For Ren**

Ren was humming, having a normal day at… wherever the hell he works. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE!" Screamed his boss. "There's construction work nearby! They're building the world's biggest pug statue next door! So DEAL WITH IT!" And he stormed out. "Oh, how bad could that be-" Ren began, but the noise was so loud he went flying into the air.

**A horrible shift later…**

Ren came trudging home from work. "Ugh! That was one of the worst sheefts of my _life! _Well, at least now I can enter my nice, quiet home and- WHAT THE FUCK?" He walked in the door to see Stimpy singing "Jimmy Cracked Corn" and playing an excellent drum solo. Ren's head made a creaking noise as it turned to the side like Stewie. His boiling,angry expression turned into a pscotic and demented smile. He slowly walked over to Stimpy. "Steempy…" He said in his quiet and psychotic voice. Stimpy continued, not enven aware of Ren's presence. "Steempy…" He repeated. He still didn't respond. "LOOK AT ME, YOU BLOATED EEDIOT!" Stimpy turned to him, wiping sweat off his forehead. "Phew! Oh! Hiya, Ren!"

"Steempy?"

"Yes, Ren?" He said eagerly. WHAT EEN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU _DOING!" _

"I entered a radio contest! Whoever writes the most unique song wins a prize!"

"And what's thaaaaat?" He said softly "A free trip to Bikini Bottom! So I'm gonna write a rock version of "Jimmy Cracked Corn" and hope I win!"

"WHAT EEN GOD'S NAME EES WRONG WEETH YOU? I'm not even going into the styoopidity of that one! And a radio contest? Wow, we've never done _that _before!" He yelled sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Aw, cheer up, Ren," Stimpy said soothingly, taking off Ren's hat and jacket and hanging them up for him. "Now what's _really _bothering you?"

"Well, eet's just that I had the most _horrible _day at work!"

"And why's that, pal?" He said, sitting down and gesturing Ren to do the same. "There's thees _terribly_ loud construction work going on next door! The government ordered some construction workers to build the world's biggest pug statue!"

"Pug statue? That's gotta be the coolest! Uh, I mean, I'm sorry Ren. But cheer up! You're cousin Sven is coming up to visit tonight!"

"_**WHAT?" **_He slowly raised his fist. "Uh-huh! He's staying a whole month!"

"_**A WHOLE MONTH? **_WHY DEEDN'CHOU TELL ME?"

"Duh, I did, Ren! Numerous times, actually!"

**Flashback time!**

"Hey Ren, Sven's visiting in three days!"

"You pervert! Get the hell out of my shower!"

"Hey Ren, Sven's visiting in two days!"

"Shuttup, you eediot. Eet's three een the morning." He through his alarm clock at him.

"Hey Ren, Sven's coming tomorrow night!"

"Ah! Chew your food before you speak!"

"Hey Ren, Sven's coming tonight to stay for a month! Oh, yeah, Ren's at work."

**Flashback over**

"Well, my point is, Ren, I explained numerous times!" He crossed his arms. "You need to listen a little more, Ren."

"Oh, shut up! I hate you so much! Eef you don't call him and cancel right now, I'll-" The doorbell rang. "Hooray! Sven's here!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ren screamed like a little girl and ran to the back of the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2: Sven Hits Town**

**(A/N:) Okay, before anything, I just wanna say welcome to chapter 2! If you've reached this point, it means you can put up with my sick and twisted humor! XD Anyway, Sven, in my little fan fiction world, (and my friend's,) is from a country called Swermany. I mean, his accent is Swedish, and so is his name. But he wears a lederhosen and a feather hat, and he says fjord, which is German. I think Sven's a little confused! So, I invented Swermany! Enjoy! ;)**

Ren sweated as Stimpy opened the door in slow motion. Scary music was playing, and as the door opened, there was only a bright light and a shadow. Everything stopped when Sven's stupid, smiley face was standing on the porch. "Da, hello, brother Stimpy!" They hugged. "O-ho." Ren groaned and fainted. "Oh my god!" Stimpy bit his nails. "Do not worry!" Sven reached into his pocket and waved a dollar in Ren's face. He sniffed it. "Ooh, ees that a twenty? Oh, Steempy! I just had the worst dream where-" He looked up to see Sven had the dollar. "Oh. It's _you._ My nightmare's come true."

"Duh, the one about the Care Bears and the avocado?" Ren gasped. "You eediot! You swore you'd never speak of that!"

"Oh, relax, Ren!" Stimpy put his arm around Ren's back. "We're all friends here!"

"Ja!" Sven nodded in agreement. Ren crossed his arms and turned away, pouting. "You better not say anymore, fatass," He sulked. "Okay! So I won't tell him about yer rash, or your enuresis, or your hot cocoa fetish, or the fact that you dress like Celine Dion when you think I'm not looking!" Sven snickered. Ren's face turned red as a tomato and he bonked them both on the head.

Stimpy and Sven sat on the couch. "So, Sven, you must be awful hungry after such a long trip!" Sven nodded frantically. "Hmm, okay! Let's see what's in the fridge. We don't have much in the pantry, I know that much. All that's there is a dragon's toenail, a hedgehog spleen, and a half-eaten gingerbread cookie that's been left on the counter overnight." (If you catch that reference, I will bow before you!)

"Should we check the fridge?"

"Nah, I don't think that'll work. Wait! What if we check the fridge?"

"Ja! Dah, you are a genius, brother Stimpy!"

"Aw, thanks!" They hugged. "Now let us go check the, uh… cold thing!" Ren, who was sitting in his chair, not even looking up from his book answered in a deadpan voice, "Refreedgorator?"

"Oh, yeah! Gosh, Ren, it's a wonder why you didn't make it to Harvard!"

"Maybe because I had an_ eediot _holding me back."

"Huh?"

"Just go eat, styoopid."

"Okie dokie!" And they skipped into the kitchen. Ren rolled his eyes. "Dumbasses."

"Oh, boy, I'm so hungry, I can't control my stomach! Wait…"

"Ja, me neither!" As Stimpy opened the fridge, Sven rubbed his hands together with excitement. All that was in the fridge was a bra, (don't ask,) a fan, sour milk, and a Lady Gaga CD. Stimpy slammed the door shut. "I guess that's out." Sven's stomach growled. "But I am still hungry!"

"Hmm…" Stimpy tapped his chin. They heard the ice cream truck. They grinned at each other, mouths wide open. They went back flipping outside as if they had been offered a rancid krabby patty. "Hey, Ren, you want any?" Stimpy said spastically. "No, meester acrobat, I don't."

"But-"

"NO. I'm taking a shower."

"Suit yerself." And they continued to back flip outdoors. They came back in, ice cream smeared on their faces. Stimpy with a chocolate cone, Sven with a red popsicle. "Hey, Sven, wanna learn one 'a my favorite things to do?"

"Mm-hmm," He answered eagerly, a mouth full of the artificially frozen falic symbol. "Whenever I get ice cream, I smear it on the wall and lick it off! 'Cuz why waste the leftover ice cream caked on yer hands by washing it off?"

They rubbed their hands ALL along the wall. Ren coincidentally walked out of the shower at that time. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" He let out a high-pitched shriek as if they were wearing blown up rubber gloves on their heads. "WHAT EEN GOD'S NAME EES YOU FAT PROBLEM?"

"Oh, relax, Ren," Stimpy said calmly as Sven shook uncontrollably, terrified out of his nonexistent mind. "The aim of this was to lick the leftover ice cream _off _of the wall. Let's show 'im, Sven!"

"O…kay, Stimpy," He said hesitantly, still anxious. They licked the wall, which only made the stains worse because their tongues were wet and were stained with ice cream as well. "Grrrrrrrr…" Ren approached them slowly. Sven hid behind Stimpy, hugging him. Stimpy, sweating, said nervously. "They could be Cheetos," He commented, shrugging. (Another reference! Becca, if you're reading this, you'd better catch that!) Ren cracked an evil smile.

They were tied to a high branch on a tree. "Uh, Ren?" Stimpy called. "What?" Ren answered as he walked away. "Um, Sven says he's scared of hights." Sven nodded. "Ja, it makes me stomach sick!"

"Oh yeah? Not _my _problem." He laughed rudely and walked away. Sven puked on him. "Sorry, cousin!"

"Grrr…"

**(A/N): So, still enjoying this? I know, I can get really out of my references! See you in chapter 3!**


	4. Chapter 4

**(A/N): Think it's weird? You ain't seen NOTHIN' yet! ;)**

**Chapter 3: Beddy Bye**

That night, Ren trudged into bedroom, half asleep with a cup of tea. "Jesus Chrst. What a day. Deed I forget something?" He thought for a second. "Oh, well. Finally, I can settle een my nice, cozy bed and slee-"

"Hi, Ren!" Stimpy and Sven said simultaneously, laying in the bed, which was covered in crumbs and God-knows-what stains." Ren's short-lived smile dropped. ""Oh, yeah, _that's _what I fergot. Wait! How the hell deed you _eediots_ escape the tree?"

"Whad'ja say, Ren?" Ren smacked his forehead. "Why are you here?"

"Wull, the same reason we're _all _here, Ren!" Stimpy explained cheerfully. "Our mommies and daddies loved each other _so much _that they got naked and-"

"No, you bloated sack! Ugh! _You're _parents naked?" He shuddered. "No, asshole, I meant how deed you escape the tree? You'd die eef you jumped from that height!" Stimpy blushed. "Well, I guess I _have _been overeating."

"Ja, me too." Steam came out of Ren's ears. "THAT'S EET! YOU'RE GOEENG ON A DIET. Now, move your bloated asses over."

That night, Ren kept getting pushed. He ignored it. But then he got shoved off the bed. "Grr!" His face turned red… um, again. "Hey, what the fuh-" The two were rolling in their sleep. "Duh, I'll have one blossom from the coconut pussy willow, please."

"How did John Lennon und Willy Way Cyrus get on the moon? The turquoise accordion has stolen my lederhosen!" (Willy Way Cyrus! Another reference!) Ren groaned, and next, he threw them in the basement. "Nighty night, assholes!" And he slammed the door.

Stimpy woke up. "Ouch, my head. What the- the basement?" He shook Sven. "Hey, Sven, wake up!"

In an exhausted manner, he sat up. "Ja?" He rubbed his head. "Why are we in the basement?"

"I don't know! That's what I was gonna ask you!" They rubbed their chins. "ALIENS!" They shouted simultaneously. You just heard Ren shout back from upstairs, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Well, I don't know what the aliens mean to by throwing us in the basement in our sleep. Let's go back to bed. Ren's _gotta _be missing us!" They walked upstairs. Sven attempted at opening the door. "Dah, it is locked!" He shrugged. Stimpy snapped his finger with frustration. "Crap!" The sat at the doorstep, discouraged. "Oh, poor Ren! He's probably having scary dreams!"

Meanwhile, Ren was out cold upstairs, a smirk on his face. "Oh, yeah, baby! Take yer top off!"

"Whaddo we do now?"

"We can dance!" Stimpy grinned. "Hey, yeah! I have speakers and everything! Okay, let's pick a CD!"

They looked through the CDs. They gasped. "PEREFCT!"

It was _exactly_ the infamous dancing scene from _Jellyfish Jam _from _SpongeBob, _only instead of SpongeBob and the jellyfish, Sven and Stimpy were dancing. Ren's hands reached out in his sleep. "Touch your teets? I'd _love _to!" But he went flying in the air. He gained an uncontrollable twitch. He marched to the basement door. "HEY! OPEN THEES FUCKEENG DOOR!" They couldn't hear him over the music. "Alright, that's eet!" He tried to open the door. "Eet's locked!" He stomped off and came back with a chainsaw. Unfortunately, well, for him anyway, he got the door open but immediately went tumbling down the stairs. Sven saw his body and turned off the music. "Look, brother Stimpy! It's a dolly!"

"Oh, how cute!" They picked him up. "Aw! He looks just like Ren!" They gushed simultaneously. "We must tell him in the morning," Sven suggested. "Yup! But fer now, he should dance with us!"

"Let us put him in a baby bib and makeup!"

"Duh, okay!"

They continued their SpongeBob dance party, and they each had Ren's hands.

(**A/N): Well, sad to say, it's the second-to-last chapter. But hey, there's an afterward!**


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N): Well, here's the last legit chapter. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next fic.! **

**Chapter 4: Time to Go Home**

Ren, who was grinning and driving like a maniac, drove Sven to the airport. Sven and Stimpy were hugging each other and crying hysterically. "WE'RE HERE!" The duo begrudgingly crawled out of the car, still crying. "Don't worry, cousin! "_I'LL _get'cher styoopid-ass luggage!" He grabbed the suitcases and skipped into the airport. Suckish for him, he tripped and a suitcase flew open and landed on him. "Oh my gosh!" Stimpy yelled. "Ren must've been so upset about this he ran home, too upset to say goodbye to you! He dropped all your luggage." They began to pick it up. "It is the doll we danced with, brother Stimpy!"

"Ya know what? You can keep it. A little souvenir. They smiled and hugged. "Let's go." They walked into the airport hand in hand. They placed Sven's luggage on the conveyor belt. "'Bye, Sven." Stimpy began to cry, as did Sven like it was a cheesy Disney movie. "Goodbye, Stimpy."

"Stimpy? As in Stimpson J. Cat?" A woman inquired. "Yeah?…" Stimpy answered shyly, wiping tears. "Congrats! You've won the radio contest! You get one million dollars and a chance to play your song on the radio!" Stimpy and Sven grinned at each other simultaneously and screamed with joy.

Ren woke up. "AAHH! I'M EEN SVEN'S SUITCASE! Ew, I just eenhaled hees underwear! Where'm I goeeng, anyway?" At that moment he heard the flight attendant say, "We are now taking the plane to New Jersey."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I _**HATE **_NEW JERSEY!"

**And now for the afterward!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Commentary with the Stars**

***Stimpy, Sven, and the ever-gorgeous Jesikuh are all sitting on the couch.***

**Jesikuh: **Well, thanks fer reading, everyone!

**Stimpy: **Yeah! I just love satisfying readers. And thanks fer yer first guest appearance, Sven!

**Sven: **Can I do this again? I love this!

**Jesikuh: **Only time'll tell! C

***Ren comes stomping in, panting with anger.***

**Ren: **"YOU….."

**Sven: **Dah, say hello!We are in connentmarry!

**Jesikuh: **That's what we call _commentary, _Sven. And yeah, where were you?

**Ren: **EEN A HELLHOLE CALLED NEW JERSEY!"

**Stimpy: **Yeah, Ren, we fergot to say we're really sorry!

***Sven nods in a sympathetic way.***

**Ren: **Save eet! Just lemme watch TV.

***He turns on the TV***

**TV announcer: **And the hearts of millions are warmed thanks to Stimpson J. Cat and Sven Hoek for winning one million dollars in a radio contest and donating the money to children in Africa!

**Jesikuh: *Blushes* **Aw! You two are adorable!

**Ren: **I'LL KEELL YOU!"

**Jeskiuh: *wacks him with her **_**Rocko's Modern Life **_**bag.***

**Ren: **Ow! A Rocko bag? What's een there!

**Jesikuh: **A sketchpad, my laptop, colored pencils, and all sorts of DVDs! See you next time, everybody!

**Stimpy, Sven and Jesikuh: *wave* **Goodnight, everybody!

**The End!**


End file.
